Official merchandise of 3 a.m.
depressed and horny — funny shirts, hoodies, socks and dumb gifts
Two moods. One brand. Shirts, hoodies, socks, koozies, dice and other bad ideas for people who feel nothing and want everything.
Tees $32 · Free shipping over $65 · Free stickers over $50
but
DTF.
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The goods
Not a medical device
The Mood Mixer
Slide both. Receive an unlicensed diagnosis and the one item that will not fix it.
About the department
We made the brand because everybody else just made the shirt.
There are a thousand knock-off versions of this joke on the internet, printed on shirts that feel like a tarp. We're the official ones. Heavy cotton, real embroidery, socks that know which foot is which.
- Rule 1 — The joke is on us.We make fun of our own moods. Never the illness, never anybody else.
- Rule 2 — Wearable in public.Suggestive at most. Your aunt may ask questions. She will not call the police.
- Rule 3 — Dumb on purpose.If a product makes us laugh and serves no purpose, it ships.
Questions, mostly rhetorical
Is Depressed & Horny a real brand?
Yes. There are a thousand knock-off shirts with this joke. We are the actual brand: one store, one voice, heavyweight garments and a full range from tees to dice.
How long does shipping take?
Apparel is printed to order and ships in 3–5 business days. Small stuff like koozies, dice and stickers ships in 1–2. Free US shipping on orders over $65.
How do the shirts and hoodies fit?
Unisex, true to size, S through 3XL. Size up on hoodies if you want to disappear in it.
Can I return something?
If it arrives damaged, misprinted or wrong, we replace it or refund you within 30 days.
Can I actually wear this in public?
Yes. Everything is suggestive at most, never explicit.
Get on The List
New drops, restocks, and one (1) email a week that reads like a text you shouldn't have sent. 15% off your first order.